Relationships: Being in Direct Sunlight

    

This morning I awoke to find a bright red, blossoming flower, standing tall and proud atop my banana plant. In the midst of my excitement, I noticed that its counterpart, standing tall in the same soil beside it, yielded a scraggly, burnt remnant of a flower. It got to me wondering how can two plants that share the same soil produce something so unequivocally opposite. More than that, I wondered how within a marital relationship, if two are planted together, why is it that one seems to grow and look vibrant while the other appears almost lifeless and barely extant.
      In the fourth chapter of the Gospel of Mark, Jesus tells a parable to his disciples about plants and seeds. He tells of the farmer who planted seeds and how some fell on fertile ground and lavished while others fell on rocky ground. Still others fell among thorny weeds and choked the good plants. This is pause for reflection – sometimes relationships don’t grow as they should because they are not able to thrive on rocky ground. Like any good cultivator knows about plants, so too, is it true that relationships need nourishment and proper care, attention, ample water and sunlight to grow. 
     Remember when Jesus met the Samarian woman at the well and offered her eternal water so that she would never thirst again? Sometimes when we are in the deserts of our relationships, the hardest thing to do is to simply search for God and cry out to Him. The psalmist expressed these words in the 63^rd Psalm: God! My God! It’s you – I search for you! My whole being thirsts for you! My whole body desires you in a dry and tired land, no water anywhere.” If we are honest with ourselves, that’s how our marital relationships feel at times – like we are in a dry and tired land with no sign of water anywhere. But let us not forget that our loving and merciful God is always right there. We need only cry out to Him and he will give us the water that we need. Remember, as believers we are dependent on God, yet often times we neglect to simply call on Him for our most basic needs.
      So what about this sunlight that is required for growth?  There has to be exposure to God’s light – prayer, Bible study, and intentional time together allowing God to order your steps for a healthy and growing relationship. We can’t choose to continue to sit in darkness – that is, void of spending time with God and being disobedient to his Word - and expect there to be a transformative change within our marital relationship. Without God leading, guiding and ordering our steps, we cannot possibly thrive!
     And as for the thorny weeds in this parable – these are the seasons in our relationships when communication becomes harder, being around one another becomes a chore and simply trying to be on the same page becomes almost impossible; and, like in the parable, weeds will choke the good plants. In the instance of my illustration, it appears that two plants can indeed grow in the same soil, but one gets choked. When we spend more time quarreling, being upset, unvalidated, underappreciated and less time being loving, giving, attentive and supportive of our God-given mate, the aforementioned weeds will most definitely choke one of the plants and render it looking and feeling lifeless.
     I dare to even suggest that one plant can be sucking the life out of the other plant. While both are in the same soil, presumably privy to the same level of moisture, water saturation and sunlight, one of these plants is having a tough time adapting. Perhaps its relationship immune system has grown weaker by the frenzy of life – stresses from work, unmet goals, unrealized dreams, financial burdens and the like. It’s not that the other plant does not suffer these same things, too, but these real-life situations have taken its toll on the non-thriving plant. But all hope is not lost.

    

If you read more in the parable of Mark, you will see that in verse 26 of chapter 4, Jesus shares this truth: The kingdom of God is like someone who plants seed in the ground. ²⁷ Night and day, whether the person is asleep or awake, the seed still grows, but the person does not know how it grows. ²⁸ By itself the earth produces grain. First the plant grows, then the head, and then all the grain in the head. ²⁹ When the grain is ready, the farmer cuts it, because this is the harvest time.”  

 

     In other words, God is our harvester. And while we may not be able to explain nor understand how two (who have become one in a marital relationship), grow at different stages, or more so handle things differently, what we do know is that when we surrender and submit ourselves fully and wholly to God, we will begin to thrive and flourish again. Our season of darkness will be short and our exposure to sunlight - God’s light – will make things bright and vibrant again where they once seemed to be withering.  We serve a God who works wonders and who offers us unmerited favor  (grace) each day, nudging and prompting us to do better and serve better as we are planted firmly on the foundation that God has established for our relationships.

 

The Things I Can Do with my Spirograph

As a little kid, one of my favorite ways to pass the time was doodling and making designs with a geometric drawing toy called Spirograph. If you're older than 30, chances are you had one, too and you might remember the commercials featuring the children having endless fun as they sang, "I just don't believe it, I don't believe it, the things I can do with my Spirograph."

The kit came with paper, special drawing pens/pencils, a master guide and circular grids. You could make hundreds of circular designs by simply placing your pencil in the grooves of the various-sized round grids within the space that was allowed. This circular motion gave you the ability to make simple to complex designs freely – so long as you stayed within the master template guide.

You could be creative and come up with your own designs or you could re-create designs from ones that were on the traceable paper. Whichever one you chose, there was a pattern that formed, enabling you to create something that was symmetrically and perfectly aligned. The guiding template was there to keep you from straying and from making unnecessary strides that would take you too far from the intent of the design. It kept you within the boundaries and parameters of where you needed to be.

Reflecting back to it, what I remember most and now understand from a spiritual standpoint is that with every stroke and every circular motion, in order to get anywhere, the movement of the Spirograph forced you to always come back to the center as that was the base. You couldn’t effectively go anywhere without returning to the center for direction. Even if you became confused with rotating your little circle, not sure if you should move clockwise or counter-clockwise, you could always come back to the center for guidance.

Life is a lot like that. It’s a spiritual Spirograph with God as our center, base and master designer. If we learn to move only in the circles that He instructs us to move in, and return to the center base for further direction, then we end up with an amazing masterpiece design! God gives us free will to make choices. We should make those choices under the careful guidance of God’s Almighty hand and let him lead us in the direction that we should go.

Who knew you could learn so much from a geometric toy!

Is Your Light On?

On Friday I made a quick trip to Target just to get a few items. I hoped to get in and out in 10 or 15 minutes, but I noticed that only two lanes were open. And the lines were fairly long. As I stood in line behind three other shoppers, the lane to the right of me seemed to be moving along faster than the other lanes. In that split-thinking of deciding whether I should change lanes – you know, wondering if I’ll get over there and get detained by a price look-up of the person in front of me – I backed up my shopping cart and headed over. The young woman rang my purchases up pretty quickly and as she did, I watched as a couple of other shoppers started toward the line, but chose other lanes instead. I was curious. After all, I only had six items.

As soon as the sales associate handed my receipt to me, she announced that she would take the next person in line. Two women who had passed this lane up, and opted for the longer line instead, threw a perplexing look and said to one another: I didn’t know she was open. Her light wasn’t on.

Her light wasn’t on.

Something about that simple statement led me to think about how as Christians, sometimes people might not approach us because our light isn’t on. How do we keep our light on amid the hustle and bustle of our busy lives? How do we show a genuine sense of “light” especially when we don’t even know it’s not on?

I thought about this more and considered how in one of the most famous sermons ever given, Jesus tells a huge crowd: “You are the light of the world.” These words are recorded in the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus gives his Sermon on theMount. In the most simplest terms, when we have the light of Jesus shining in us, it should show in our countenance, in our actions, our deeds and behavior.

My mother is one of those people who always has her light on. No matter where we are – the post office, the bank, supermarket – someone comes up to my mom and begins to share their troubles, obviously looking for some encouraging words. And my mom responds every time with Christian love. The same is true when she is transacting business on the phone. Without fail the person on the other end of the line usually changes the direction of the conversation to something like this: “you sound like someone I can talk to. Do you mind if I share something personal with you because something about the kindness in your voice sounds like you are someone who can help me?”

That’s how you know your light is on. When others feel compelled or comfortable enough to talk to you or to seek your encouraging words, it means that your light is on. When you simply display a warm smile, offer a kind word, a helping hand or extend God’s love through your actions, your light is very much on. On the other hand, when you are frowning, looking mad all the time, seem rushed, uninterested or have that “don’t even come near me” look, then your light is off and you are hiding the light of Jesus.

In my own reflection, I have to take notice that sometimes I turn my light off inadvertently. As a Christian, a minister and candidate for ordained ministry, I have to be especially conscious to make sure that I don’t have a “flickering light.” This doesn’t mean that I have to be “on” for everyone, all the time. Not at all. That would be unhealthy and overwhelming. But what it does mean is that I have to remember that a lot of people are in dark places, going through dark moments and experiencing dark and troubling times and they need someone to “light” the way for them and share the love of Jesus. Or sometimes people just want to warm up in the glow of the light that is shining in me.

So today I ask you: is your light on?

Spiritual Temper Tantrums

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you; plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Recently, I saw a little boy tugging at his mother’s coat and pointing at a small toy that was near the check-out stand. She ignored him for a while until she finally looked down to see what he wanted. He looked up at her and in that small little voice with his eyes transfixed on the toy, he said: I want that. His mother glanced at it and told him no, explaining that he wasn’t getting it today.

The little boy let out a booming cry that rivaled a wolf’s howling. I mean he cried. His face was now red and tears had taken over. He wiggled around in frustration and cried even more. It’s a temper tantrum that most of us are familiar with either from our own childhood or from handling our own child’s tantrums.

And at the root of it is this sense of wanting something – right then and there – and instead being told no. It’s like something erupts in our minds and this sea of emotions begins to overflow causing us to work ourselves into a tirade of anger, disappointment, frustration and sadness. Our whole countenance changes.

The same true is in our spiritual lives. We pray for something and want God to answer it right then. More than that, we want God’s approval and affirming yes to our desires, plans, ideas, etc. Sometimes God answers right away with a yes if it aligns with his plan and purpose for our lives. Other times, God gives a resounding no because it’s not what he wants for us. And then there is the not yet– you’re not getting it today.

God designed us and knows all about us. He knows our strengths, weaknesses, and those areas that he still has to prune. We’re not ready yet. For a number of reasons, this is true. We haven’t had the right experience to deal with what’s ahead. We wobble in our faith, trusting God some days and doubting him on other days. We haven’t overcome certain fears that will surely cause us to not enjoy the very thing that we are asking him for. So no – you’re not getting it today.

On this spiritual walk, there will be moments when you are absolutely fed up, frustrated and crying, throwing temper tantrums at God. It’s a part of your spiritual maturity. We learn that this faith walk isn’t about having our way. It’s about God having his way in all areas of our lives. It’s about being in deeper relationship with God and trusting him whole-heartedly, believing deep within our heart and soul that he has our best interest in mind.  

Sometimes when we look back on those temper tantrums, upset at what God didn’t do, we can see now how glad we are that he made that decision. Glad that he protected us from an unhealthy relationship, an expensive purchase that we really couldn’t afford , or a position in a company that went through major layoffs  three months later.

The more you are actively engaged in this faith walk, the healthier you become spiritually. You might still have a spiritual temper tantrum every now and again, but you will grow through it knowing that God is transforming you to accomplish his plans and purpose for your life.

Upgrade Your Faith - Wait on God

One of the hardest things arguably in following Jesus and being on this spiritual journey is having patience to wait on God. I think one of the reasons that it is so hard is that we live in a culture that promotes a mindset of quick, fast and in a hurry. We rush in and out of fast food eateries, complaining if we have to wait longer than five minutes for our meals. We take our clothes to one-hour cleaners. We want faster Internet service. We grow restless in the grocery store, standing in the 15 items or less lane. Nearly everything about the American culture instills in us this sense of having what we want when we want it. It has created a nation of impatient people. When we find ourselves in prayer, waiting for God to take action on something, we sometimes grow tired, weary and frustrated waiting for things to change.

Who has the patience to sit around and wait to see what God is going to do in a situation when it’s just so much easier to leave the scene and do your own thing?

We do. Christians who are faith-filled and faithful should have the patience to do so. The Bible is filled with stories of people who waited on God. Abraham waited to have a son. Moses and the children of Israel waited to get to the Promised Land. Job waited for his life to be restored. Ruth waited with her mother-in-law Naomi for things to get better. In each instance, waiting brought the person closer to God and upgraded their faith, making them dependent on God.

That’s what patience can do for us. When we stop being impatient with God and learn to simply be still and know that God is working, that God has a plan and that God has our best interest at heart, we end up with a finished story like Ruth or the fulfillment of a blessing like Abraham. And our story becomes an inspiration and a testimony for others of the goodness of God. If we stop allowing our American culture to control and dictate our level of patience, steadily condensing our threshold for waiting on God, then we will emerge as more loving and kind people – the way that we were created to be – and God’s plan and purpose for all of us will become evident.

The opening verse in Ecclesiastes chapter 3 talks about everything in its season and everything in its time. Yet somehow this very concept seems to elude us today because our American culture has carved out this sense of entitlement of unearned right to have something when you want it. How would this have worked for the shepherd boy David? How would it have helped him to build strength and character, and more so reliance on God? When we become so set on self and our own needs and wants, we unknowingly are removing God from the equation.

What about the level of patience that Jesus exhibited? Don’t you know there could have been countless times when he could have been fed up with the doubting disciples and said enough? But Jesus’ impatience would not have advanced God’s plan for us. That’s right – for us. All of what Jesus did was God’s plan for us and thank God that Jesus had the patience to endure.

So what we can do. What steps can we take to restore the patience that God intends for us to have? First, we have to be willing to walk in God’s timing. Secondly, we have to understand that God is growing us through our waiting experience. And thirdly, we have to trust and thank God for what God is doing. God can and will create in you a clean heart – if you just ask Him. God can and will reveal plans for your future – if you trust Him. You might be saying “well I get tired in my waiting and it leaves me fidgety and impatient. Remember the words of Isaiah in chapter 40: they that wait shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles.”

See the Bible is not just about “them” it’s about us. It’s not just stories for us to read or listen to on a Sunday morning or Wednesday evening and then forget about and go on with our lives as if we’ve never heard them. These stories are for us to learn how to be patient and walk in God’s timing.

The other day I was taking my niece driving so she could practice parallel parking. How many of us with driver’s license remember learning how to parallel parking. She’s 17, recently graduated from high school and is a college freshman at a four-year university. She said to me, “I’ll be glad when I get my license because right now all I have is my driver’s permit.” She went on to tell me that when it came time to take her driver’s test, she passed the written part, and all of the driving part, EXCEPT when it came to parallel parking. Now don’t get me wrong – she is a good driver. She can handle the car pretty well, but driving, as my mother always says, is more than just getting in the car and hurdling along and putting gas in it.

For my niece, until she learns how to parallel park, she won’t be able to get her driver’s license. She’s getting anxious and impatient. I told her this: “you won’t always be going places that require you to just pull ahead, turn or back up; sometimes you’ll find yourself in a situation where the only parking space is one that requires you to parallel park. And if the department of motor vehicles went on and gave you your license today, they’d be doing a disservice to you and a disservice to the people whose cars are either in front of or behind that parking space that you need. You just have to be patient.”

That’s the same way it is with us. There are some things down the road in life that we cannot see with the temporal eye where we’ll have to pull up, zig zag in and back our way out of, but if we don’t have the patience to wait for God to prepare us for those situations then we’ll be doing a disservice to ourselves by trying to go on ahead of God.

If you don’t have the patience to wait on God you never get to know God for who God is. Without patience you’ll never know God as Jehovah Rophe, my healer or Jehovah Jireh, my provider. Instead you’ll hear other people talk about God in these terms and have no idea what they mean because you didn’t have the patience to wait through these experiences.

While you are learning to be patient, use that time to pray. Prayer changes things. As you are praying about your situation, God is increasing your level of patience. And in the end, you learn how to walk in God’s timing and to stop being impatient with God.

Here Chick, Chick, Chick

     To eat at Chick-fil-A or not to eat at Chick-fil-A – that is the topical question that is swirling around water coolers, Facebook conversations, the Twittersphere and beyond. Somehow our religious views have gotten wrapped up in the decision to partake of waffle fries or to avoid them as a way of making a strong stance on opposing the statement made by Dan Cathy, the CEO of Chick-fil-A, on his view of traditional marriage being strictly between a man and a woman. That got me to thinking about the many disputes that have come up in the history of the Christian movement, and how our differing views have led us to surmise what God’s intent is, what Jesus would do, and how we should respond.

     Allow me, if you will, to take a quick journey into the history of the church universal and the difficult debates that tore apart well-intentioned Christians. Without going into all the names and specifics of the issues, consider that at one time, our church leaders found themselves arguing as to whether or not Jesus was fully human and/or spirit only. There was also the debate as to whether or not when we celebrate the Eucharist/Holy Communion/Lord’s Supper, is Jesus present with us, does He become the elements, meaning His body is the bread and His blood is the wine or is the Holy Sacrament only a remembrance. Some Christian denominations believe in transubstantiation (i.e. that there is a transformation that happens in the elements wherein Jesus is present in body) consubstantiation (i.e. there is a ubiquitous presence meaning that Christ’s body cannot be specifically located, that it is like walking in fog and there is no transformation of the elements) virtualism (i.e. there is a spiritual presence of Christ and no transformation of the elements) and memorialism (i.e. the natural body of Christ is not present and there is no transformation of the elements).

     This very topic divided the church and was a central part of the Protestant Reformation. Roman Catholics believe one thing, Lutherans believe another, and Baptists believe something different from both. All Christians – yet with very strong opinions about how they perceive Jesus Christ during the sacrament of Holy Communion.

     Then there was the debate about what to do with all the books of the Bible, not just the ones that are part of the Protestant canon as we know it today (for you do know there are many other written accounts of God and Jesus Christ that did not make it for inclusion in the Bible), but the ones in the Apocrypha, the ones that were considered heretical and the ones that didn’t fit the criteria of either side of the debaters. There came a point when a decision had to be made about which books would appear in the New Testament, and the decision was a hard one to make. Everyone didn’t walk away from the Council of Nicaea in 325 pleased, but what we have today is the decision that was agreed upon.

     My point is that just like now, people then had differing views about God, about Jesus Christ and how we should live out our lives as Christians. There was name-calling, fights, and drastic measures that led to bloody battles, all in the name of Christianity. And today, on this proclaimed “Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day,” there is name-calling, quibbles and hateful words aimed at a practicing Christian who voiced his opinion on what he believes biblical marriage looks like. Depending on where you stand on the issue of biblical marriage, you are either right or wrong. Right?

     The debates in our history were rather deep and there was much to consider. Would there be hymns sung during worship service? At what age could you be baptized? What punishment was there for people who did not adhere to the rules of the church? It goes without saying that the view of women in the church drew much debate, as did the Amerindians (categorizing them as humans or not as was the Valladolid Debate in 1550), the poor, enslaved persons and so on. There has always been debate in, among and within the Christian realm, so to find ourselves either in the drive-thru of Chick-fil-A or driving by in protest is not at all surprising. I also do not find it surprising that remarks are being hurled back and forth as to whether or not you love your neighbor, that if you eat at Chick-fil-A you are somehow against the lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender society or that if you don’t eat there today, tomorrow or next week, you are affirming that everyone deserves to be loved regardless to what label they are wearing: man, woman, homosexual, heterosexual, or still searching.

     What has happened is that the atmosphere is so clouded and fogged that to speak on either side of the argument somehow places you in an unwanted precarious position of having to defend yourself. Just like the debaters of yesteryear, I don’t have to agree with every belief that other Christians carry. It doesn’t make me more or less than a believer in God and in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. It simply makes me a person who has a belief that I am rooted in, one that is unshakable and hopefully, one that pleases God.

What's at Heart?

      My mother has a big heart - literally. She has a larger-than-normal heart due to a congenital condition called cardiomyopathy. It means "enlarged heart muscle." Even if it were not for her heart condition, my mom still has a big heart. She is the most giving person that I know - and I know LOTS of people. I reflect on this, particularly on the day of celebrating mothers (of which my mom says it's Mother's Day every day that you get to be a mom).  I am doing critical theological reflection on what it means to have a heart for Jesus and a heart like Jesus, something that I have learned from my mom over the last 35 years plus.
       Jesus has a big heart, too. Not an enlarged heart muscle caused by a medical condition, but a big heart due to His sacrifical love for us. Jesus is the heart of our faith. He loves unconditionally, goes to the Father on our behalf, and he intercedes for us time and time again. For those of us who have ever peeped into a Bible and read the gospels, then we are least familiar with His New Testament commandment to love one another.

        Love one another. Love one another. You have to have the heart for it. It's not enough to preach it, or pretend it. You have to actually do it. It has to be practiced and it requires active participation on your part. It seems to me that it is near impossible to constantly be at odds with people, always finding something wrong with a situation, person, organization, etc., forcing your opinion upon others as "right" while everyone else is "wrong," yet at the same time heralding these words like a banner of your belief. In fact, it's rather hypocritical. What's at heart here? You have to be authentic. People can spot a fake "big put on" person like they can spot a fake Gucci handbag.
        If your heart has been broken, emotionally beaten or bruised in any kind of way, God can heal it and help you live beyond that bad experience. But you have to be willing. Don't turn your heart into a clenched, tightened muscle because it will only restrict the "love" that is supposed to flow. In the Old Testament, over in the 36th chapter of the Book of Ezekiel, God says this in verse 26: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you, your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."
       My mom is about as authentic as they come. She is a no-nonsense kind of person. She is the same today as she was yesterday and you can count on her to be just as loving, caring and kind-hearted tomorrow. She knows first-hand the responsibility that comes with having a big heart - you have more love to extend to others! Today is a good day to ask God to give you a new heart and a new spirit so that you can receive love and give love. After all, it's really what's at heart!